When TruTori came out in response of Dean McDermott having an affair with Emily Goodhand on Tori Spelling, everyone formed their opinions. There were many “I told you all that he would cheat on her. What was she thinking? Really? She cheated on her first husband, and he cheated on his first wife. The foundation of their marriage was built on getting together by hurting their respective spouses—not on being soulmates.”
As I re-watch the series again, I am looking at this past scandal in a new light. I am not agreeing that an affair should be condone, but it should be examined to why the other person would cheat on the other person.
Starting with the beginning of Season 1, Episode 1, I’ve gained insight to why Tori Spelling decided to do a documentary about what she was going through.
Am I a fool to call her brave or courageous?
Yes, right now, there are folks having affairs. And the old aged question is why? Why would someone have an affair? There are many reasons why people have an affair, but usually, the common denominator to why someone has an affair. It usually because he or she is not satisfied with himself or herself. People say, oh he or she wasn’t satisfied in their marriage. That is true, but I believe the root of the majority of affairs stem from a person not accepting how they are. That they ar dissatisfied with themselves. This comes to play in the next episode when Dean confirms how he self-loathes himself.
However, what is exposed in “The Fairytale Falls Apart” is that Tori believed that she got her fairytale with her soulmate. This is problematic for many reasons. Here is a few.
For one, let’s be reminded what a fairytale truly is. Fairytales are stories where happy endings occur after all the bad shit has gone down with two people who are meant to be. We see in Cinderella that Cinderella had an unhappy life with her stepmother and stepsisters. They threw shade at her and thought that they were better than her. However, that’s when a fairy godmother comes into her life and tells her that she is meant to go to the ball because she is very special. Cinderella goes to the ball, meets the prince, the prince is infatuated by her presence and her beauty, but she must get home from the stroke of midnight. As she is hurrying, her glass slipper is lost where the prince finds it while chasing after her.
The next day, the prince wants to find Cinderella, and he has her show as a clue to help with the discovery. As he goes house to house asking about the slipper and women try it on, he goes to Cinderella’s house. Of course, the stepsisters try to try it on, but it doesn’t feet their feet because it is a special made glass slipper. When Cinderella puts it on, it fits her feet perfectly. The prince has found his mate, they marry, and live happily ever after.
Yet, in reality for humans, that ain’t so. Even though you feel a connection to a person, it doesn’t mean that what you have with them is a fairytale. That is right. Feeling a connection to a person, and even being his/her soulmate, does not guarantee that they are going to be faithful, or they won’t commit a major screw up. As I said, I do not CONDONE cheating, but holding someone to your standards instead of not accepting who they really are, will bite you in the rear sometime in the future unless you and your mate realize that these are issues that you both commit yourself to admit and working on (that means each person admits that they have issues about themselves and want to put effort in working on them) or you keep ignoring them thinking that they will just get better over time.
Tori ignored the signs because she was in denial, she thought that matters would get better over time, or she believe that Dean would admit that he has many problems and was willing to change. She may have believed that they are soulmates, and he wouldn’t betray her. Yet, when one hardly knows himself or herself and does not recognize that his/her behavior is destructive, it is until he/she does something majorly destructive is when they recognize it.
What Dean’s affair exposes is that there are many deep rooted issues with Dean and Tori. I did feel for Tori. No, I really did feel for Tori. I could tell in the series that the affair has taken a toll on her psyche. I could tell Dean’s affair played with her mind. She couldn’t really sit down and think about it, or she didn’t want to, and taking care of her children helped with that. It helped with easing her mind from being tormented in why she wasn’t enough. I cannot completely understand what she went through, but I understand betrayal. I understand when you trust a person so much, and he/she turns on you. All your insecurities of who you are as a person comes out because you think that you were not good enough to trust or good enough to be a friend or a partner with. However, I hope that Tori has learned that betrayal means that something is not wrong with YOU. It is usually something wrong with the other person—the betrayer themselves.
Another problem of fairy tales is that Cinderella and Prince Charming—their story was uncomplicated, but life is very complicated and complex. Couples’ lives are very complicated.
I see that as I watched the first episode. When Dean is getting treatment in rehab, Tori is taking care of the children, but it is a lot of work. As she keeps saying, it is easier when Dean is there. She is right. It is easier when you have a support system, especially an intimate partner and best friend, your spouse, to help take care of matters. Rupert and I did not have children, but I do recognize him being my partner makes many things easier for me. He likes grocery shopping. I don’t care for it. He does most of it. He hates paying the bills. I am in charge of that. We take turns cooking.
I always said if my partner/spouse cheated on me I am out of there. However, as I’ve grown older, I cannot simply say that anymore. To tell you the truth, depending on if we could truly work matters out, I would stay with the person. Why? Well, it is an investment. You’ve made a major investment in a person. Even though you may not have children with them, it is still an emotional investment. I understand her girlfriends saying that she needs to leave him and such. Yet, I agree with Tori. It is more complicated than that. When you have invested several years of marriage, it is a lot to think about (for me it is). When you have kids involved in the mix, you do consider carefully whether you should stay with a person who has had an indiscretion or indiscretions. I am not saying a partner that is being abused should stay with someone because he/she has invested many years with the person and/or he/she has children (and those are reasons why an abusive partner stays but that’s another essay). . All I am saying is that if a person does decide to stay with a partner, don’t slam him/her for it. It is complicated. Some indiscretions can be forgiven if the other person who caused them gets help.
What I learned from this episode is that folks should not judge Tori. I also think that she is braved for putting this on television. You have to empathize with her. Dean’s affair was reported to the media. What else you do? Sit and become silent? No, she decided to tell her own truth. I have to respect her for that.